you wouldn't even come home last night... Dead to me
I tried to tell him it was only 2:00, but he said since it was 5:00 in New York, it was perfectly acceptable. He then put on a Blues Brothers hat and a pair of wayfarers and left. I expect him home in a few hours with a police escort.
The last memory I have is vomiting into a box and her rubbing my back saying "you are such a trooper..."
if that blanket by the dog bowl was your dog's "bed" then i apologize to bailey for having sex on it
Um....sorry for hooking up with your brother last night...
Actually i take that back. You dropped the whiskey last night and broke the bottle. Were even
Why are there sofa cushions on the floor? And why isn't there a sofa in this room that doesn't have cushions?
You just kept screaming at everyone 'not to break your scarf' and doing somersaults
Also. This Ativan makes me feel fearless. I think we need an exciting new hobby for when we take it. How do you feel about ghost hunting?
I faked an orgasm during phone sex last night. This relationship is starting to become real.
A girl told me I was her "alcohol spirit animal" tonight. Somehow I think my whole life was secretly building up to this moment
Hello, the Less Drunk that has my sister's phone. I am the Moderately Drunk. I am questioning your Friday activities. Why are you not the More Drunk?
She pretty much spent NYE measuring dicks, trying to decide which one to take home.
Ok I'm drunk as fuck already at 529 and this waitress started flirting with me, I wanna bang her for acknowledging my existence
totally just bought a bottle of gin with nothing but change
don't ever let anyone tell you that youre not 100% class
Well, I ruined his toilet and he's still completely okay with me. Plus, it took him like a week to tell me.
If a girl I didn't love ruined my toilet I don't think I'd stick around.
Randomize
