Do you not remember dry humping your dog for 20 minutes at oxfest dude?
i just woke up and its 10 o'clock and the words "Robbies Fave Restraunt" and written in sharpie above my vage. Help me.
I just heard someone say "gosh-darnit" and they didn't have a southern twang. I worry for New York.
I was desperate so I downed my birth control with balsamic vinaigrette...
Just picture a dyson vacuum with razor blades. That's how it felt.
She was indeed spoonfeeding you potato salad out of that giant bowl with a giant spoon. Dont feel special, she was giving it to everyone that left the bar.
He said to use 30 racks as chairs and then drink til we fall thru the box
He started screaming "fuck me I'm Ryan Gosling" and proceeded to pick up the smallest guy at the party and carry him to bed.
that's all we do, eat and hve sex, eat and have sex. he thinks it's bad and that we need to talk more or whatever but I'm just not seeing the problem...
The length of my leg hair is a constant reminder of how long it's been since I even thought I had a chance of getting laid.
I puked so hard this morning that I peed my pants. I'm a gem.
I hope you get a lego stuck in your dickhole
Brah, we should get a "do not disturb sign"... I can't have people knocking on the door while I'm high, it fucks with me way too much.
Tbh I would eat a grilled cheese off your dick.
You can't hold me to anything I said last night; I was drunk on orgasms.
Randomize
