Little spoons don't ask big questions
Our teacher totally just got outed in class by a speaker from some lesbian cooperative house
The required reading for this week is a paper about birds called great tits. Let's see my TA keep a straight face through this discussion.
He's coming over tonight...I really wish I didn't have my period right now...
I believe I'm witnessing the first time ever that you wished your period would NOT come....
just ran into a kid I used to hook up with while wearing his shirt. Only me. I tried to pretend like it wasn't his but it said his name on the back so I wasn't winning that.
I feel miserable and there's nutella all over my phone
I drank it. I drank the beer from '78. I drank my bday beer, I drank my soul
Its like he woke the dragon, and the dragon is hungry for a good dick.
Sometimes turtles just really trip me out man
We got hammered last night and I woke up this morning with texts from 'iron maiden chick.' wtf?
Did you catch one of my beer pong balls in your cleavage or was that a dream?
What kind of paramedic is he, some dude is dying back there and he's trying to get laid
I've pulled 4 ticks off of me. This is the last time I suck dick in the wild.
They left a cherry picker with the keys in it on a college campus, what else were we supposed to do?
Today has been hell. Also I saw a dead man's penis. It's safe to say I will be getting very drunk tonight.
Randomize
