Tortellini makes me feel like I'm eating hundreds of little vaginas
I just got kidnapped by the rugby team for a scavenger hunt. I'm "the girl you had sex with last night"
He's bringing condoms over for me in case we "bone".... the fact he calls it boning is not a great start.
You probably don't remember this but last night I bought you a lap dance from a stripper that had nipples that looked like runny eggs....you're welcome.
That's the point of day drinking, get fucked up by 6pm so you can get stuff done the next day. It's the adult thing to do.
Dude, he's legal now. You could not pry me from his dick with the jaws of life.
I ate you ate to the whole david gray album
I say this as a friend, you would make a SPECTACULAR crossdresser
Her ass is the reason I still believe in a higher power
So unless we're getting married, I can't see him cry AND have sex with him. It just doesn't work like that.
No one's ever called me intergalactic cocksucker, before.
What does it say about me that I feel completely charmed right now?
WHO CARES HE GIVES YOU TOE CURLING ORGASMS AND SAYS YOU HAVE KISSABLE SKIN AND RUNWAY MODEL HAIR....WHILE INTOXICATED WITH HIS BEST FRIEND. AND THEN HE SENDS YOU CUTE SELFIES OF THEM!!!!!!! WTF MORE DO YOU WANT FROM LIFE!!! DIE HAPPY ALREADY LADY!!!
Do you think it would be weird to wear a shirt that says 'big fun small package' from an ex for a first date?
i woke up this morning from the best one night stand. i made the guy mickey mouse pancakes for breakfast and when i walked back into the bedroom he said "marry me"
long story short... we may or may not have lost your car.
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