Urine might work for jellyfish stings, but we found out it doesn't work well for nose bleeds...
I mean, once you help another girl drunker than you zip her jeans you can't help but be friends after that
Sleeping with two different guys who share a driveway is getting increasingly challenging to keep secret
dude you need a shock collar for some of the things you say when you're drunk.
another part of my inner child died when i emptied my crayon bank for dollar beer night.
Noooo. I told you she WAS a cancer. Not that she HAS cancer. This was the one time being a doctor didnt get you laid you alcoholic bastard
Sorry there's no emoticon for I got my period all over a guy's bed so I had to improvise. There isn't even a bed one
We'll wreck the fuck out of my furniture. How often does one really get the chance to fuck through a table with no negative consequences?
I'm drunk in a field. the chupacobra is going to eat me. if I die serve vodka at my funeral.
I told him finishing at the same time would be a long-term project. Like flipping a house. A sexual house.
okay we need to get tested.
no YOU need to get tested. I'm just going along for the ride.
It was all fun and games until she said "you're so pretty I wanna punch you in the face" and the proceeded to punch her in the face
Well he was mad because I chose tequila over him. He obviously doesn't understand that he will always be second to my first true love.
he couldn't get a boner so he asked me to sing you shook me all night long to his penis. I think it was weirder that it actually worked
I'm trying to secure Christmas dick. Idgaf if he has strep or not.
Randomize
