she calls it her "sourpuss" because everyone makes that face when they see it.
I have a dream, to one day wake up next to a girl, walk to the washroom and kick her kids toys out of the way. That day has come, yes we can.
Just pulled my keys, cell-phone and a pack of cigarettes out from between my cleavage. This one guy's face was priceless.
A lesson I learned in the hospital....when you masturbate while attached to a heart monitor, it scares the nurses a lot.
My boyfriend just sent me flowers. I am now crying at the fact i fucked my fat neighbor. God please help me.
I'm honestly too sad to drink and hang out with strippers. This breakup sucks.
Make sure to show her the sewer we were arrested in on your tour.
You are number one in my heart. But in the dick Olympics you're disqualified.
I AM TEN TEQUIA SHOOTS ON AND I JUST SAW SOMEONE DO A BODY SHOT OFFF OF JESUS
THIS FEELS SO WROG AND OH SO RIGHT
don't care how drunk i am. my dick was like "nope, not doing it, you can't make me and i was like oh yes i can"
You told the guy in Wawa you needed his hoagie for "a scavenger hunt" and then called him a "fuckstained Muggle" when he didn't give it to you. You are a delight.
Seriously dude...who threw up on Michelle? She's been crying for like an hour
i just realized... if i ever hook up with someone on my bed, we'll be fucking atop my animated batman themed bedset.
This place is a maelstrom of dicks.
I mean as in stuck up bastards, not actual, desirable male genitalia. My point is, come pick me up fast, please!
What happened to your back?
Rug burn. My ass is even worse.
Randomize
