how can u be prego again
Remember that time i walked in on your friend taking a huge shit?
Remember that time you hooked up with him?
you know you were way too high when you wake up next to a handwritten list of all the things you'd do for a Klondike bar
i blame lastnights decisions on friday the 13th
There are many reasons why he shouldn't come over. And each one is longer than his penis.
We played "race the Jimmy John's driver". Order, then see if we can finish sex before the food arrives.
He pulled a potato out of his bag in the library. A WHOLE FRIGGIN POTATO. He ate it like it was an apple and waved at the librarian as she stared at him.
Totally just projectile vomited while ridind a bicycle.
The chick who threw the party was all pissed cause she thought I made out with her boyfriend. Admittedly, I did, but she was throwing up and crying at the time so she really can't be that mad.
He's in a nude suit, bald, with a pink headband and a black sharpie streak down his forehead.
And think got sick again from going outside naked. Word to all females...don't try the naked trench coat thing.
Found out my grandpa had two wives and found out I'm eligible for some internships 11/10 would do acid again.
i refuse to sex anyone who doesn't get my lord of the rings references. no exceptions.
I currently don't understand fingers.
Don't get yourself off tomorrow. We. Are. Having. Sex. That's that. Just dont do it.
Randomize
