I just got a ticket for shitting on a sand dune.
He said if I blew him first he'd last longer....if 3 minutes is lasting longer, I'm not sure the bj was worth it
Drunk in some girls audi what the fuck is happenin i love sb
it's ELEVEN
thirty
apparently people get pissed when you take the bag of wine out of the franzia box and put it in your purse before leaving the party
He gave me a pearl necklace on top of my Karma necklace I was wearing. I guess I deserve whats coming to me.
My ATM looks so different sober.
Whatever. It was high school. Back then I'd blow anyone who had enough room between their chest and their steering wheel for my head to fit.
You can cross "give someone a blow job while playing Colors of the Wind" off my bucket list.
No, no, we have to calibrate. What is the maximum amount of trouble we can get into without going to jail?
On a side note the mornings you do so much Xanax that you wake up totally at one with the universe and feel invincible are great
Look, if I'm too lazy to put any effort into sexting, you better believe I'm too lazy to put any effort into dating.
She kissed me, then said "mmm your face tastes like it needs my pussy on it."
I know they deliver ice cream, but do you think I can ask the delivery guy to watch the rest of the movie with me too?
my ex logged me out of his netflix so im gonna fuck his bestfriend as revenge
Ever try to swallow something and have it go up into your nose instead? Yeah, I just sneezed bacon.
Randomize
