I definitely just put my boxers on backwards.
haha now u have to piss out ur bum
Text me right after you finish, I want to know how the ghetto fleshlight worked out
How about I just call you while I'm doing it so you can hear my reaction?
if creeping was an olympic sport, i would be a lock for the gold right now.
so i woke up thsi morning with a phadora on my head, no shirt and a huge hangover? want to help me figure this out?
he just flicked a booger into my mouth and shouted "goaaaal!"
I just fell off my chair and knocked over the table. People are staring. That hungover.
Never get a handjob from a girl who gives deep tissue massages.
I can't even go pee because I'm making sure he doesn't run off somewhere naked.
Well, I found the missing blow... in my fucking suitcase... THIS MORNING. Yeah, I flew from FL to NY with blow in my suitcase yesterday.
I told you to check, dude
Yeah, AFTER I checked my bag and I was already sitting on a plane. Oh well. I figured worst case I'd do like 15 hours in county and I was totally prepared for that anyways. I always prepare for that when we hang out.
He said it was fake. Like really? Hey baby, I wanna sleep with you, so here's a picture of a fake tiny dick
I had sex with him in the back of my car in a duck onesie. I'm worth something dammit.
I left my parents and ran through the airport. I was like I'm not getting stuck in Atlanta tonight and not having sex.
Yes, ur purse got stole with our condo keys in it but my slut ass saved us and we had a place to stay, AND I got to choke a motherfucker while riding him. Thats taking one for the team.
he just asked me that if he was a penguin and I was a penguin if I would fuck him
I don't know who he was but he was covered up with a shower curtain and ate a whole bottle of tums
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