just heard the best thing ever: calling people's kids "fuck trophies"
My mind said no, but my drink said yes.
if creeping was an olympic sport, i would be a lock for the gold right now.
It took you an unbelievable amount of time to realize that your ass was on fire.
my 12 year old sister just told me how admirable it was that i felt comfortable going out with my friends dressed "like that"
Just because he saw my boobs doesn't mean he knows me all of a sudden
Come over and play the Jeter 3000 drinking game. You drink if the commentators say "captain" or "3000". I'll drink if they say "overrated" or "past his prime".
I will pray to the gods of eye bleach for you
thank you whoever used my nalgene as a flask. pregamin in chem
You took it upon yourself to rid the world of them, and by that I mean you dressed up as Batman and started kicking them in the shins.
We have so much sex to catch up on
Cassie is wearing a baseball cap. This rebound is going nowhere
My roommate is downstairs drunk, smoking, and listening to a self help DVD. Please dear God don't let this be the Ghost of Christmas Future.
I literally just want someone to fuck me and buy me cheeseburgers. I don't even want a relationship at this point. Just a chew toy and some food.
The only thing I remember about us having sex is yelling at him to choke me.
Randomize
