so i texed my mom when i was trashed last night and said "i know its 3 am, just go to bed and i'll be back by the time we leave for the airport"
our school mascot just walked into class and threw condoms everywhere. welcome to college
tonight i'm making a christmas tree shaped shot pyramid
Just so you know, coffee creamer+water does not = milk.
Fuck. That. I'm gonna get drunker and make them regret they EVER put me at the kids table. I'm a MAN.
Well after last night it's official...I cannot die...it time to use this power for good instead of handle contests
...I can smell the alcohol on your breath through that text
This is the Santa Claus of hangovers. It just keeps giving.
I am at a point in my life where I don't want to brush my teeth for my tinder date because toothpaste and martinis don't mix.
You pretended to be Borat in that weird slingshot bathing suit and then proceeded to send another dick pic/nude selfie and said you weren't naked because you were wearing a hat.
It looks like you got dick slapped by the sandman..
He thought I was gay. I had to explain I just really like wearing flannel.
I don't think "growing medical marijuana" is Quite what my Grandfather had in mind when he thought me about gardening as a child
yknow last night was like... the third night in a row alex woke me up to make sure i wasn't dead and tbh it's sorta sweet.
The guy at the liqiour store just said "Wow haven't seen you in awhile, is everything okay?"
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