I always feel awkward when im sitting at home watching the price is right and the fat contestant get the gym equipment.
I don't give a shit about soccer but I'm really excited about drinking at 7 in the morning
I probably shouldn't have slept with him. I feel like that may have given him the wrong idea.
Until last night, I had never actually thrown up ON a sandwich
Then he showed me his sketchbook. Every drawing was a hand in different 'fingering positions'. Dear JESUS.
I found her in the bathroom licking her screwdriver off the floor. she said there was no way she was wasting a $6 drink.
She did my hair, then ate me out. Switching teams was an awesome decision.
Holy walk of shame. Fuck someone's house. I walked past a family eating their free continental breakfast wearing yesterday's makeup
you stole two subs and a drink from jimmy johns and walked out yelling "get at me bitches"
New game I thought of while bored on the train. Anytime I get a text from an ex, I will randomly text a different ex. It's like a less charitable version of pay it forward.
I'm actually drinking gin and juice out of a floridas natural carton...so if that has any indication of how I'm doing
Hi, my name is Ashslay and I'll be your designated shitshow.
I smell like lime and condoms and I really want a waffle. Fuk
She doesn't believe I only want to use you for sex. She has a much higher opinion of me than either of us do.
But what we lack in money, we make up for in dry humor and drugs
Randomize
