ok this guy next to me just sat down with a no joke, 10,000 page book, popped an addy, cracked open a red bull and opened the book to page 1.
It's almost summer. We need to start reconnecting with our home drug dealers.
Everyone makes mistakes, yours just means you will forever be known as the chick that tried to steal a cheese plate from the funeral.
its not that he announces that he can deep throat a banana its the fact he knows he can and it makes me wonder how he found out
And next time please put a text between discussing my orgasms and discussing your son - that was weird.
I totally just friend requested the girl I met in jail last night so that I could give her back the sunglasses she lent me upon our release. See, I'm not a total delinquent.
You kept going up to guys in plaid and screaming "are you a lumberjack" in their faces
So if a girl goes for it you're gonna stop her and tell her you gave up ejaculation for lent?
don't worry i won't let him get attached. I put on my Hulk onesie after sex and yelled I SMASHED YOU. never seen a guy looked so confused.
Note to self; if you can light it on fire, you probs shouldn't drink it
Btw when I was saying "fuck you" I meant it like "be quiet beautiful princess"
Help me help you realize you are a moron
I'll be back in a hour going with Jason to get his nipples tattooed back on again
So unofficially, he told me he deleted tinder because of me. I think that's a pretty romantic gesture in 2018.
It’s easy for me to be professional, the tough part is finding the perfect amount of bitchy undertone
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