Obv we're gonna bbm each other in bed
I have no valid justification for peeing in your kitchen, but I don't think it's worth breaking up over.
I'm going to join a nudist colony to win $1000. There are no down-sides to this.
Every girl my sister has brought home from college I've had sex with, check and mate motherfucker
For what it's worth, I didn't think that hitting you with a crowbar as hard as I did would break your arm like that. You should drink more milk.
there's people who respect me enough not to bang on my bed and i think that's beautiful
Wow just discovered I can communicate my favorite sex positions using only emojis god bless this age of technology
Grilled cheese and shark week. Unemployment done right.
The candles are lit, the magic circle is drawn, now all we need to do is get naked and see how many orgasms we can manage.
For the record you're a very classy lady and your love for and mastery of strap-ons is amazing. I would gladly marry you and father your offspring
Do me a favor and scream dirty things at him in a polite sexy, come hither way
When she's hammered the amount of alliteration that comes out of her mouth is amazing.
I don't know which is weirder: that she was old enough to have a live-in son close to my age, or that the woman he was with was close to hers
I prefer to think of hangovers as extreme sobriety, which can only be cured by more booze
Our baby is creepy.
That's how we know it's ours. haha
Randomize
