On valentines day I took a girl on a date that I suspect was homeless
Prereq for being on nyc prep: money, bitchy, and a lazy eye... if only you were rich
did i really try to jack off an athens police horse last night? please tell me youre kidding..
I didn't know people actually cried after sex.
Just before going down on me she said, "I need a hairband for all of the jobs I'm about to perform."
Also, do you think you think his dick is perfect bc you loved him? Or is it actually perfect?
He fell off the roof... he clearly has not been preparing for summer.
It wasn't the stripper that gave you the hickey but I just figured out who did
You screamed "she never feeds them anyway" and threw the fish tank off the 3rd floor balcony. Don't park on our side of the building.
also I woke up naked and covered in water but nobody can explain that part.
The date officially concluded on the phrase "Nosh dat vag".
You got Broadway Drunk, dude. I haven't heard you sing "Music Of The Night" like that since the last time I was holding you up on the way to the subway at two in the morning.
I peed my pants and am still dancing with guys at the club because I liked my outfit too much to change. Call the ratchet emergency
I don't want to go back to the suburbs. Being drunk in public isn't ok and theres too many children. Don't make me.
Just realized that I bailed on you guys yesterday just so I could get wendy's. it was worth it but still, sorry
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