dude i dnt kno how, but i think theres a tampon in my butt
You walked in on me taking a shit and told me to hit the bong
please dont let the old guy in the wheelchair see you when you wake up
All I remember from last night is petting the broom with my feet and feeling like I was standing on a horses head
there's a photo set of like seven dicks covered in glitter....i don't know what to do
All I really remember is shouting "THANKS FOR LETTING ME MAKE OUT WITH YOUR GIRLFRIEND."
What can I say? You have this amazing power over straight girls.
Pre-chapter meeting quote: "Why is there a bun literally taped to the shelf? That doesn't even make sense when you're drunk, who does that?"
So his roommate walked in on us, went upstairs to tell her bf she has found a new use for the rafters & they must try it.
I'm Michael Phelps, Olympic Champion.
Are you just smoking weed? Cause that's not actually a Michael Phelps costume
He smells like cinnamon, and what I imagine to be orgasms
Me too like the fact they didn't arrest me wants to send them an edible arrangement
Normally roommates threatening each other with knives would be too much crazy for me, but I don't have much going on right now and I feel like this could get interesting. So I think I'm gonna ride this shit out for a while.
Doing blow in the bathroom isnt the same without you
Do a rail off the baby station in my honor
This is a long quiet interstate without somebody to sext.
So I come home this morning to get ready for a job interview and there is garlic seasoning all over the hardwood and a knife in the wall. What. the. fuck.
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