Steel Reserve is the RC Cola of alcohol. It's never ok.
I wish I could have two rating systems on iTunes. "This one is a 5 star. This one is only a 5 star when I'm baked."
I have this strange craving to see a really fat person go down a slipnslide
False alarm it was margarita mix all over my hands not blood
I fed him jelly beans while he fingered me. Win, win situation.
3 things. 1) we need alcohol 2) we need alcohol 3) we need tortilla chips. Let's make a plan. Bro shakes and salsa.
We fucked to the rythmn of the thunder, it was magical
We told her to calm down. She said "I'm Buddha!". Then army crawled to the cooler for more vodka.
Everybodys gonna want to make out w me dressed as big bird
Big bird is like some childhood daddy fantasy come true for carnival
I just gate-crahed a party and met a state senator, so I had an interesting afternoon jog.
Oh Jesus. Are you going to the hospital?
No I'm showering then leaving for Vegas
If I die, sorry about rent.
BOOM BITCH SERVES YOU RIGHT I HOPE YOU SHIT YOURSELF PETER PAN
i need something from you. video yourself doing naked jumping jacks and send it to me. it will make me smile
I might be a bit longer... I found a hot guy at the grocery store, so I'm following him and buying stuff that he's buying
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