i only shaved half my leg
on purpose
You must have had one hell of a time explaining to that girl why aladin soundtrack was playing on repeat in your room when you got back
I may have a concussion but the symptoms are the same as a hangover so I can't tell. Best 21st ever.
how was ur day?
this is strictly sexting don't make small talk.
I cannot for the life of me remember why I am holding this rabbit.
I HAVE stop dating guys for their prescriptions, you have no idea how awkward family dinner was. Thank god for his xanax.
dude wearing that thong all day was not worth the 7 bucks
Monday is now my bitch. I just did 20 naked push ups on the bar for $20
When she sees your dick for the first time, tell her it glows blue when orcs are close
He sent me a picture of his dick saying "your throne my lady" for my birthday. He knows the way to my heart.
Just spilled a coffee mug full of scolding hot oatmeal on my bare dick. Hope you're having a good Friday night too.
I'm disease and pregnancy free. This is an Easter for the books!
Underoos and an IDGAF attitude: all you need to successfully win at life
(Underoos optional)
Can I pee and smoke my bong at the same time or is that like eating on the toilet
She drank my rum. I had sex in her bed and didn't wash the sheets. We're even.
Randomize
