1:32 am: your girlfriend looks like a man
1:48 am: your uglier
You picked the wrong day to call in sick. She's wearing the librarian glasses today.
Don't be mad at me. I know peeing in your drawer is 1 thing and peeing on you while you're sleeping is another, but im sorry..i love you
And then I'm going to yell into her vagina and see if it echoes
bio was interesting today. swabbed my mouth to see what the cells where, ha. found a sperm cell. he was just that awesome
I just got fire extinguished by his roommate while we were having sex. That's just taking cock blocking to a whole new level.
Should study in library more often, procrasturbating is less of an option.
I just handed the barista at Starbucks a panty liner instead of my card....maybe I should upgrade this Tall to a Venti...
HIV testing and a light brunch. Sounds like a great way to spend Christmas Eve.
Maybe you'll have a Christmas miracle
Do you think you could handle being our babysitter if we roofied ourselves for fun??
If I ever look like I'm about to have a repeat of last night, hit me. Just smack me as hard as you can.
It's the 30 sec rule.... the worst that could happen is I could die
Xanax and full house Tuesday is now Percocet Sunday
Whose dick am I looking at? There are too many possibilities at the moment.
I just remembered that I insisted everyone watch porn together last night.
Randomize
