I have my period so I felt bad and blew him with cash cab in the background. I wanted to yell out the answers but my mouth was full.
Fact: The drinking you do in college doesn't affect your liver in real life.
I'm Still in a robe trying to piece together 3-7am I'll be there in a few
Aww you are cute. With your penis. And failures.
I tried to show my boob for free volcano tacos at taco bell last night. Not boobs. Just boob. The manager wasn't allowing it.
He tells me he loves me and I say I just want him for sex, then he looks at me like I just said I hate puppies. What kind of guy is he?
If throwing a bottle across the bar, hitting a skank in the head and not getting caught was an Olympic event, you'd bring merica the gold every time
I know of an excellent nanny. A lot like Mary Poppins but way cooler. And likes pot.
Well I guess I'll go shower now and wash all the stripper off.
Like these jerks could have told me it wasn't a video call, I wouldn't have put on pants.
He told me to be a woman and make him dinner. So I threw a bagel at him and went out to dinner.
not sure what the chiropractor did but my junk deserves a cape now.
Somehow my family started talking about sex toys at breakfast.
You are ridiculously similar to a unicorn, and I want to fuck that unicorn.
I wish I could say this wasn't the first time I shit myself in a Piggly Wiggly.
Randomize
