Getting food. Want anything?
Vagina. Double meat no buns. I have the secret sauce
He was so confused why there was a string hanging out of my vagina.
I just saw the Donald Trump of homeless quys walking down the street. He had three shopping carts and a bike.
I figured it out. hungover me hates drunk me, drunk me hates sober me, and sober me hates being sober. so yes, were blacking out tonight.
apparently there was a flour fight and couch sex...
im trying to find a facebook picture of him that doesnt make me regret sleeping with him. its not working
i dont even mind you always shaving my pubes when i pass out, i'm starting to find it liberating.
They better compete for your attention. Dual to the fuck
No seriously you guys are gonna get arrested
Do me a favor I want you to reach down the front of your pants and underwear and just feel around for a while... if you happen to find your balls then join us
Great news. I WILL BE FUCKING IN A BOUNCY HOUSE TOMORROW.
He's such a neat freak that he started making the bed while I was still laying on it naked. He succeed in case you were wondering.
I was having a serious heart-to-heart, and then the weed gummy kicked in.
Is it sad the checkout lady had to inform my mom she can't buy alcohol before 8am?
Just seriously saw this chick say, watch this motherfuckers then did a 42 sec keg stand.
You at least asked for her number right?
i think i puked but i couldve been a dream and i may have madeout with a 20 something guy infront of my managers...also possible dream.
Randomize
