from all the glitter we used it actually looked like a disco stick
Sometimes I wish there were a little bird hiding that would periodically go, "creep-per."
I mean, it really isn't YOUR car until you have sex in it.
Ran into my prostitute at Costco yesterday. She was with her boyfriend, I was with my kids. Awwwwkward.
he will always be the guy i fucked in the hallway.
Theres a freshman smoking a pipe on campus. This new class is setting a new standard we're not ready for
How was your weekend?
The sex was so good. It hurts to exist.
Dude I am not desperate enough to pay my dealer in change. Maybe tomorrow.
Is buying her a loofah for my house commitment like? I don't wanna give the wrong idea
Is it true if I say your name three times, you'll appear and whore everything up?
Every time I see him I get horny. I can't help it!
Just stop. You're making other wives look bad. We are all starting to hate you.
She sleeps with her hand around my balls. First I thought it was just a comfort thing. Now I think it's to make sure I can't slip away in the middle of the night.
Trying to put a fitted sheet on drunk is one of the boss levels of slutty adulthood.
is that a sigh of girlish delight, or "sigh...I'm having a herpes outbreak'
Can't it be both?
You where banging on the wall asking us where we hid the door...you then crawled under the deck thinking you'd be safe. I told you to eat the nachos before the party...I told you.....
Randomize
