**i WaNt TO sLaP mY niECe wHO ThINks iT iS cUte tO WriTE LiKE tHiS**
Ah, I knew it wouldn't be long before my boobs were introduced into the conversation.
The Fresno prostitute seemed offended all I wanted from her was directions back to the freeway.
A guy with no shirt on and a eyepatch just got out of the car beside me. After he slammed his door into mine. This is our hometown.
Rode my bike to work still drunk. Almost threw up on a camper while getting him out of his parents car.
She's gone now. Left with the wind like a majestic leaf that just rides the invisible current to locations unknown. And dude, her friends were really hot.
Guess who won a bet and gets to name it Optimus prime if it's a boy
Nevermind. Totally worth it.
She has a tattoo on her inner thigh that's an x with a long dotted line. So after she passed out I signed it. Dunno what else I was supposed to do...
Just an FYI if we break up I'm going to sleep with your cousin or who ever my dealer is.
My mom just called hysterical. She and her sister found my dead grandma's vibrator.
The apple don't fall far from that tree.
Trust me, I'm a professional lesbian.
Pussy, Peanut Butter Cookies,and Bubble Wrap
I smell like Dick and happiness
i don't like interrupting booty calls. thats just rude.
I am so dumb. I made a mistake and let him get away.
Don't worry, there are other penises in the sea.
Thanks, mom.
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