You don't get off work for this? I feel genuinely bad for you.
I'll have a beer when I get into the office. Yes, I hide beer in my work frige.
That's the last time I fill my pockets with sushi.
She sucked her thumb until she was 17. It's like my dick was born to be in her mouth.
I don't think a check that has "thx for the drugs" on the note is really gonna fly.
The gyno asked how many partners i've had... I said ummmm she goes ok then i'll just put down ten.
she kept asking for a lobster dinner while she was crying. it was actually the most reasonable drunk chick request i've ever heard.
My professor just told me I'm living a lie and I found puke on my pants. How do you think it's going?
I may hire someone just to sell my family the drugs they keep asking me for. It's cutting into my doing drugs time.
By the time the opening band finished, she was already slurring, coming on to the gay couple next to us, and waving her panties in the air.
Dress was in bathroom covered in shards of glass, earrings on living room floor, bracelet still missing, purse in backyard. The cast of Princess Bride all left the bar to make sure I was ok. Perfect night
not now. havin a heart to heart with drunk fred flinstone
listen. he fixes things. buys me drinks and sticks his penis in my vagina. age means nothing at this low point in my life.
Why do you hate her?
She's dating the best penis that has ever entered my vagina.....
I impressed him by taking off my panties without removing my pants.
I wonder if Paul and Andy realize how lucky that they are that we're too lazy to start fucking other dudes so we just stick with them
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