you're like a bully in the Christmas story
apparently i'm not the first person wake up and realize she's ugly cuz i tore this house apart and there is no sign of my clothes
He went through and tagged himself on my crotch in all of my facebook pics
Look I'm sorry I shaved your cat, but get over it.
this guy is so high, he just ate half of a frozen blueberry muffin and half of a frozen poppyseed muffin, then proceeded to make a "hybrid poppyberry muffin"
I asked her if she was the outdoorsy type, she replied "I had sex on a fourwheeler once, does that count?"
Hey just to warn you theres a really fat guy passed out in front of our front door snoring. Don't touch him, he's in god's hands now.
I guess birthday shots aren't always the answer
I slept with a Brazillian Man, That's why I'm Watching The World Cup
Strip Simon Says: DO IT
My legacy here is being that tiny blonde girl that threw someone down and shouted "Fuck your face, I'm Dee Dee Ramone."
I don't have any soul left to be crushed.
Jeff brought me a cup of coffee to my desk. He's getting a blow job.
There might be a dead possum in your bed, your roomate is extremely distressed!
i'm not sure you can trust me in a car with 20 dozen donuts
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