you're like the ceasar milan of boners... you understand them on a different level.
I just wanted to say sorry for trying to jack off your dog last night.
At McDonald's last night the guy gave you the wrong kind of McFlurry, so you screamed at him, "YOU MCFUCKED UP."
He keeps asking where i got my clothes and accessories. i'm not sure if he wants to fuck me, or go shopping.
Haha its ok. When we got back you sat in the car and attempted to tell me in sign language you were blacked out lol
Hey just wanted to let you know my nose is broken and I have a fractured wrist. I told you it wasn't a slip and slide.
Dude I didn't think you'd do it. I mean come on, who puts a slip and slide on their driveway?
I found him. We're on the way back to the condo. He was sitting in the lifeguard stand letting people passing by take pictures of his nipples for a buck each..he made 15 dollars
I take back all of the insults I've ever said toward those money makers
Also, if asking a guy to come over and watch curling with you doesn't scream let's fuck then idk what does
So I spent all night thinking my bed was floating down a river and telling the cats to get on the bed because they were going to float away. Percocet is strong shit.
He said he discovered the mysteries of the universe inside an orange... I want whatever he was on.
He still texted me and invited me over a day later so I guess I'm the lovable kind of psycho
Well, i'm not hugging a bag of cheetos and crying while I watch Friends wishing that we were Ross and Rachel. So clearly I'might doing better than last night.
Between falling off a shelf on to a concrete floor and sex with you - i may never walk again.
She then told me, and I quote "I want to send you nudes just to see how you'd react."
So you realized he wasn't actually cheating on you and now you're trying to unfuck things. Or in this case unfuck Tom.
Randomize
