Hey kate, how is it?
sloppy...it's emily. kate just tried to do a keg stand. they dropped her. we're leaving.
We just walked into this party and immediately got handed a grilled cheese sandwhich....
I don't think he's ever woke up with a paraplegic stripper sitting on his face before.
I accidentally screamed the wrong name last night. He stopped for a second, said "fuck it, you're too hot to care," and then continued fucking me.
I don't know but the stairs are covered in apples
In the memo line of the check she wrote sexual healing.
If I end up married to you I better get lots of orgasms to help me forget I failed at life.
100% truth: never tied someone to a bed using 4 pairs of sweatpants before
All I want to do is get high and needlepoint. Fuck your judgement
I swear to God if you fuck my cousin I will fuck your dad.
No I will not paint you for Mardi Gras in town. It is going to rain and you don't need another ID charge
This is like the fourth time this month I've woken up hungover in someone's backyard
We need a signal or code word for "I basically shaved my whole body and we should touch each other tonight".
A drag queen just ate a dollar out of my ass. I don't know which one of us has hit rock bottom
I peed on his bed and he still likes me. #keeper
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