dude can i febreze my hair or is that slutty?
so i told her that taking semen on the face helps make your skin smoother.
and?
luckily she was drunk enough to believe she had really bad acne...
how the fuck did you end up in georgia? you were here at my party dry humping some chick 2 hours ago
so you mean to tell me that there is no way you can get me?
casually drinking alone with your cats. do they like sparks?
They let me close the tennis center alone. It's a 6-minute drive from 2 of my booty calls. Scratch tennis court bj off the bucket list.
hey remember that mom you brought home from the bar last month... she is currently driving me back to her place. turning my phone off now.
No she probably looked into my aura and saw that my penis would ruin her.
Can I get that on a shirt
He wanted me to strip for him. I told him that we aren't at that serious of a fuck buddy relationship yet
Aka reading hardcore gay robot porn as a steady trickle of elementary schoolers walk by me every so often and im still in uniform as there councilor
Who is also still dressed up as a pirate
I remember you fighting a small man for the last of the pizza. Was there a midget in my house last night?
I want my tombstone to read "making poor life decisions since 1993"
Nothing but goodness could come from two friends getting naked. Think of all the good advice and other things we could give to each other.
I just want cinnabon and vodka.
I'm disgusted with myself. Who goes down on their Uber driver? This asshole
He came into my room last night and started peeing underneath my desk, I told him the bathroom was the next door over.
Randomize
