there was a guy who was being paid to stand outside of Abercrombie without a shirt on... normally i would be okay with this but he was 40...
Amanda Bynes on the cover of maxim is my 8th grade masturbation fantasy come to life
One person in the car. Three blizzards. Alot of judging.
So I've been to the library twice so far. Both times were for the atm, and once I was stoned. Junior year is going great.
It was at that moment that I realized I was alone. Alone and drunk on an Epcot ride.
There are topless girls riding the lawn flamingos. I win.
I told him I wanted to "ride him like a show pony" I think he gets the picture
All together there was 318 cigarette butts in the pool... And my microwave.
While you wait, fill out your state patrol application. Not trying to be your mom, I just really want to fuck a cop.
I've gotten 2 singers numbers, a 6'5 dude has promised to take me to Oktoberfest, and I spent the night w a pilot named Zeus who looks like caramel tastes. Also I sprained my thumb punching some guy I named 'hater'. I love Nashville
When are your genitals available?
You tried to tip the Uber driver with a meatball sub. Then, when he refused your meatball sub...you demanded he take you to the corner with the hookers. The valet has your keys and water balloons. I'm glad you're only in Chicago for the weekend.
Why were u walkin around mc with a toilet bowl lid handcuffed to u and carrying a stuffed Teddy bear last night?
shit... I double booked my fuck buddies
We saw the mini basketball hoop and unicycle and just knew we had to create a new sport
Drunk minds think alike
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