my facebook friend requests are always from girls of boyfriends i have fucked, facebook is the worst reminder of shame
oh man you're gonna hate me when you log onto facebook. remember i love you
Rule #1. Nothing comes between you and fantasy sports. Not even a hot chick willing to give you a blow job
and then you made a playlist that was just "party in the usa" on repeat...
Just fucked my roommate on the first night of our 12 month lease. 2010 will be awkward.
he was persistant. I supposedly owe him a bj from high school.
On the way home from Florida I threw up at the beginning border and ending border of 6 states. You win this year Spring Break.
You missed a lot. I drank contact solution thinking it was water, vodka thinking it was water and some unidentified substance that reminded me of pine sol thinking it was water..
Hung over. Bed full of legos for some reason. Not getting up. Come build stuff with me.
is it sad that i can honestly say it was the best birthday sex i've ever had and it was still terrible?
Wanna play whack-a-mole in my pants?
Your word choices worry me.
I had sex with him and I blame the Doritos
It's not "nice." It's the supermodel of dicks.
Oh my fucking god!! There is a barefoot white guy with a fucking ninja sword in the middle of the street next to the pride gas station swinging his sword at peoples cars!! He almost got me. 3 people swerved off the road and stopped. I told a cop.
She then told me, and I quote "I want to send you nudes just to see how you'd react."
Randomize
