She said I was really immature but whatever...oh by the way we just bought a toilet and turned it into a beer bong so come over
The girl sitting next to me in class is writing her to-do list under the title 11/31.
Grandma was not a fan of the beer-can ornaments. Not "traditional".
Your lower body and my face have had way too much contact lately.
Is it worth it to drive to a zoo with a high possibility of sex at said zoo?
Oh thank Jesus fuck for my shitty infertile womb. Crisis averted
When we were eating pie last night, I dropped some, and not only did you not judge me for far surpassing the 5 second rule, you let me use your foot to sock mop with. You're a good friend.
So looks like I applied to adopt a dog last night. I'm completely ok with this
I'm seriously considering refraining from drinking on school nights.
I like how you say that with 4 school days left of the school year..
My buddy just got straight up kicked out of the bar on my bday for water boarding people with beer and bar towels
He compared my vagina to his favorite T-shirt. I don't know if I should take that as a compliment or not..
He stopped mid sex to pour wine in my mouth...
Marry him.
I guess you never know how much of an impact you have on someone until you sleep with their cousin
Cats are difficult to handle. Also they are impossible to baptize.
I guess daylight savings isn't a holiday we need to celebrate for three days...
Randomize
