the thought of Anne Coulter teabagging Dick Cheney kills me everytime.
he invited me to an all week drinking party at his house. apparently he knows the key to my heart is booze shaped.
I'm drinking a margarita out of my 'best bj' trophy and it tastes like victory.
Getting sheets for college, what is the thread count that shows the least amount of cumstains?
630.
you sat up and said "i'm the worst kind of roommate, the drunk kind"
Hey just to warn you theres a really fat guy passed out in front of our front door snoring. Don't touch him, he's in god's hands now.
seriously my hangover is so bad I feel like my eye lashes make blinking a workout
No more. You can't have nice things, and vodka is a nice thing.
I'm not gonna get my cat high anymore because what if he has a heart attack. I don't want to be responsible for that shit
I did however clean up the cupcakes and vomit so I'm not that bad of a roommate
It's cuz all she eats is salt lick, human souls, and fast food
Ice cream and condoms, solid grocery store trip
I suggest both. Please have sex with them and prepare notes for a final comparison.
So I just got motorboated by my grandma…
I texted her mom a picture of us doing it saying "I'm trying to make your daughter just like you!" she was not amused.
Randomize
