In Vegas, have spent the last 48 hours wearing a viking helmet and fanny pack. I consider this to be a career high since drinking is my career
i just used my scantron for my final to make paper shotglasses. i'd say i passed in flying colors.
I don't know if this beer pong partnership can last if you refuse to look me in the eye when we make sweet sweet clutch cup at the same time.
Her brother walked in on her giving me a bj and just laughed. I got a highfive before I left.
look what he's done to me, i actually want to be a stripper now.
On the bright side, I hit her with the door on the way in
The puppy is a lightweight. 3 beers and he's passed out on the floor already. I repeat, the puppy is a lightweight.
Look I know it's late and I hope this doesn't wake you up but I feel like you should know that I'm sleeping on my couch in my own apartment so that my friend can get laid in my bed, and I would do the same for you.
Our foot and a bit height difference is kinda fun, except she's so tiny that after we ate burritos it looked like she was pregnant. I had a confusing bonner.
You were stoned out of your mind. We were eating cold cuts and you wouldn't shut up about how it was the wettest meat you'd ever felt in your life.
you know you've had too much sex when your vagina hurts when you laugh
It was awful. He had a wife
And now you've had a year of virgin penance. Absolve yourself.
If we're going to communicate going forward, you'll need to be versed in Gillian Anderson.
They got skeletons in the booths to enforce social distancing.
Thought they were weekend at berniesing that shit at first.
Apparently I told the mayor I want to be a trophy wife
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