You guys coming?
We are smoking out the bouncer? But after that sure
Dude, she's just using you for your money, and Cavs tickets.
Honestly, what else do I have going for me?
You make a valid point.
Stop trying to talk to my friends!!
then get some ugly ones...
i just put all of my beerlympics medals into my academic awards box. i would say they are my greatest achievement since college.
Got kicked out of the baseball game with a 4 officer escort. Not bad for a monday night.
I gave the naked guy in the hotel hall a pop tart. He stopped crying.
If the blood belongs to whoever dumped glitter all over my couch than the motherfucker got what was coming to them. If not, I hope they're ok.
Codeine + Boredom = Sprinting between my front and back door.
Okay I take that back some girl just said pussy sweat. Get me outta here
definitely just forgot to put car in park in front of a police officer and ran into a bush.
Please tell me last night did not happen and there is another reason why my phone smells like ranch sauce ahahah
Have you seen our bachelor? He's MIA. Last seen being led to some hookers by Kanye look-a-like.
You know when you get a stripper pays your bail. You got good wood.
Yeah man... I ordered donuts, drank wine, and cried to a movie with Seth Rogen in it. Do you really think I have my shit together?
Just found a note on the bed that said "Dear mittens, had to leave early I'll be back soon."
WTF? Are you mittens?
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