i got your date sluuuuuuut pick up my calls or else hes mine
Call it a failed empirical study as to whether drugs would make her more interesting. or at least better in bed.
I ate a lot of your sunchips. I mean a lot. Like 4 to 5 bags.
Ryan Howard.... the only guy who struck out more than me this weekend
He wears a hat. All the time. Even during sex. And I'm okay with that.
using the campers leftover pizza money at the bar. Definition of great counselors right here.
I think I'm just gonna be a cat and wear slutty black clothes with some eyeliner on my face and pretend my ears got stolen by a drunk guy
I fell asleep masterbating while watching family guy... This is what happens when girl's night gets canceled
Oh? I just remember dropping coins and trying to give the manager change to let me back into the bar.
Uhmm, it's called hentai.
I DON'T CARE WHAT IT'S CALLED I DON'T WANT TO SEE IT ON MY WORK COMPUTER
I responded like every reasonable adult would. With a gif
I keep track of what day of the week it is by my recent destinations on my nav system. \nRight now it's: booty call, bar, booty call, brunch, bar, church so that must mean we are getting close to Sunday when we start the rotation all over again.
How is it that I know 4 different bartenders who won't charge me for drinks, but I can't get laid?
and i walked downstairs to find my brother using nunchucks, and making the appropriate noises. i simply asked "why"; his reply? "why the fuck do you think?". i love my family.
I really need to stop having sex.. I haven't been able to get a brush through the back of my hair for a good week and a half
Randomize
