Woke up on the floor with my glow stick in one hand & dollar bills in the other. Good. Morning.
she just gave her compliments to the chief, at dennys
apparently he couldn't remember my name so he refereed to me as whats-her-boobs and everyone knew that it was me he was talking about
OH YEAH AND FORGOT TO THANK YOU FOR THE lack of WARNING THAT HE WASN'T CIRCUMSIZED.
Apparently I used ziplock bags to smuggle my drink out with. By pouring it in one, then cut the corner like it was an icing bag later that night. What is wrong with me?
ur not supposed to find someone to make out with when ur bf takes u to his SISTERS house to hang out with her and her husband
Wanna hang out? my DILF had to dip out for his sons little league game
max decided it would be a good idea to run down the hall and smack down the exit sign. now we are sitting in the emergency room, and he is wearing the sign as a bracelet
So you get idea of what my night was like, I woke up this morning and the back of my head was orange
Oh my fucking god how fucking embarrassing never again will I mix drugs at a family barbecue
You thought there were zombies attacking us so you tried to tuck and roll out of a moving vehicle. Also you should consider wearing underwear
One of the finest moments in my life was when I was puking in between my legs as I was shitting, and thought to myself "hmm this shall be called shomiting."
Being an adult can't be all bad. I just took a vacation day solely to sit around and get stoned
All I remember is being lured out to sit by the fire by you holding a piece of pizza in front of me
I woke up with a pillow, shampoo and a plant in my fridge. Eggs in the toilet, and I was wearing three pairs of girls underwear. What happened last night
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