i know we just met, but i forget your name, and i'm wondering why my penis burns?
her name is jenna, so i wanna cunt punt her
that's how i am about ashleys and britneys
just thinking about him makes my vagina shudder.
She told me to "stuff her hole like a build-a-bear". I was so drunk I didn't even think that was weird.
yeah that always happens. i'm like the where's waldo of parties. i never even know where the fuck i'm at.
Good news. Hiccups are gone. Bad news. I had to set the bathroom rug on fire to get rid of them. Don't come home until the fire truck leaves.
Tell me about it I woke up on your couch with only my underwear on and a 26 year old wrapped around me. I thought my thirties would be different.
Do u remember giving me permission to fuck ur dad and then getting super pissed at me when i said ew?
I’m almost positive this girl is drinking a mojito in class right now, if so she’s my new hero
Dude, my sex life is so sad since I started having feelings.
Sleeping with just one person sucks
We need to get Harry and Lloyd's tuxedos from Dumb and Dumber. I feel like this is a vital thing that is missing from our lives.
Last time I "ran into him" I ended up with the clap and had to explain why the ladder was missing from the garage.
I just want a relatively mentally stable guy with tattoos and facial hair that loves Captain America as much as I do and will fuck me the way I deserve to be fucked, is that too much to ask for?
Now we just need to figure out why your underwear was in your bra
YOU ARE THE ONLY PERSON I KNOW THAT STEALTH CLEANS PEOPLE TOILETS
Randomize
