she asked me if I wanted a handjob on the haunted mansion ride at Disney. was I suposed to say no?
You can now add 30,000 feet to the places where I have puked
Just saw a white stretch Hummer limo outside of CiCi's pizza. Way to live up to the stereotypes, Alabama.
Have introduced beer-pong to my work's Tuesday lunches.
If I die tonight. Just know that chicken I made fuckin ruled. Recipe: Chicken with a shitload oF spice
Someone better explain the burnt stove marks on my bed.
found inexpensive tickets to Norway. Questioning if its legal. PLEASE tell me you remebered the walkie talkies and face paint.
You need to always be prepared. Like a sex firefighter.
Look, I said I'm sorry. In the shower, "are you happy to see me" sounded just like "could you please pee on me". Honest mistake.
Yeah just got a blowjob at busch stadium during the cardinals game childhood dream realized
Do you think making a dress out of an "Open" flag that my friend stole from a bar, and wearing it out sends the wrong message? ....Or exactly the right message?
I just asked her to come in through the window, this pretty much solidifies the whole fuck-buddy thing...
One failed naked backward somersault off the bed and I realize - I either need to drink less or workout more. Perhaps both.
I just want to braid flowers into his hair and steal all of his pills.
Was the guy in the cowboy hat kinda hot or have I just not had sex in a really long time?
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