she asked me if the dress made her look fat, i told her no - the fat made her look fat.
I gave her the chance to be interesting and she failed. So then I gave her a chance to be slutty and she failed at that too.
Cruel joke of nature. Hair on head runs from face, and hides on various parts of body. Aging sucks.
We watched a biography of Frida Kahlo in class today. It was depressing. A chick with a UNIBROW just put my sex life to shame.
the only thing he could say in english were 'insert coin here' and 'game over'. i love spanish men.
I have only been in this city 3 nights and there are already 4 bars I can never go back to again.
not only did i soak my thesis by spilling celebratory shots on it, but i also stained it with lipstick making it obvious i tried to drink the vodka off it......dgaf, worth it.
just credit carded her and her mom at the same time... that drunk. get on my level
The water bill last month was outrageous. We have got to stop fucking for hours in the shower
gave myself the "you're a really good girlfriend" talk on the way to where i intentionally cheated on him. i am my own drunken therapist.
Walt I've been the third wheel taking shotssssssssssssssssolo. Each s is for each solo shot.
Very impressive. My GPA is the same amount of orgasms I can offer tonight (valid only tonight): 3.5
body shots are frowned upon at family weddings. i'll keep that in mind next time. maybe.
I'm glad you enjoyed the night but why were you calling me "daddy"?
Yeah, let's go with that. Fuck that weak moment of complete honesty I just had.
Randomize
