everytime she opens her mouth i wish that i was deaf
Just did a shot to pluto being a planet again. I love science.
Apparently I had an idea for a cooking show and then proceeded to throw cookies at people.
I made out with Jen. We were naked. I'm still gay. Forever
We realized he wasn't with us anymore, so we turn around and he's 20 feet back, peeing on a squirrel.
Next test. Underwater blowjob. If you fail...out of water blow job
The TA leading my study session just said "now get outta here. I need to get drunk before class"
I did the crab walk everywhere because I was drunk enough that it was easier than standing up.
just go where the car takes you. fingers crossed its here with breakfast.
If he breaks up with me, your job is to keep me drunk and make sure I don't sleep with anyone. Ok?
Nothing $200 worth of strippers and spicy fried chicken couldn't fix.
Idk my boobs are big but i dont think theyre hide a flask in them big..
It was like Lady and the Tramp, but just tramp and the tramp. And instead of spaghetti and meatballs, we had whiskey and cups
She won't let me meet her hot new boy toy just because she thinks it'll lead to us having a threesome. It's not fair. I thought we were friends...
I don't know how I managed to chip the inside of my tooth w/ a turkey and cheeto sandwich, but I think that's what happened.
I'm sorry, a turkey and WHAT sandwich?!?!
Randomize
