I forgot to tell you. I'm at a porno shoot today.
Did you know Kal Penn works at the white house? That's almost white castle.
i don't understand how she was down there for so long, she's like a mermaid, a blowjob giving mermaid.
she reminds me of the first time i discovered masturbation. that's how you know it's true love.
He broke up with his gf yesterday so he could give me our annual Christmas sex at midnight.
Marry him. Now.
I'm sorry that I didn't get belligerently drunk and did not put my penis on your neck again
Yep I can make a seagull sound. It's identical. I tried it. They thought I was talking to them. It's pretty cool.
You better keep a close eye on your uterus tonight cause I am looking good.
My 19 year old brother just hooked up with his 45 year old cougar kindergarten teacher. These sorts of situations make me realize why the sorority girls call him Wondercock
I was chasing pulls of fireball with bites of a bagel and yelling at people to take tequila shots with me. I shouldn't be allowed to go out alone.
I had 2 shots but she spilt one on me. Kinda mad but kinda grateful
Never in my life did I think i would give a blow job in the bathroom of my old elementary school. Twice.
I'm feeding a baby and swiping on tinder...what has my life come to?!?!
One of the Mormon boys that comes to the door is really sexy and I always think 'I would absolutely destroy your faith'
just saw a girl run into an automatic sliding door, back up and try again
Randomize
