dude. i was so high. i watched shrek in russian.
Saying she let herself go implies she was actually holding on
If there was an emoticon for a sad penis, i would send it to you
a girl just told me i should have been born earlier in the alphabet
its officail im naming my first born child brickbreaker
He just randomly started talking about Haiti and Conan O'Brien and his grandpa's hip replacement operation. It was the worst phone sex I've ever had.
I've been crying in my room listening to Billy Joel for 2 hours. Thank God Four Loko was banned.
Does this mean I don't have to apologize for launching about 20 bead necklaces at you from the balcony?
You disappeared for 10 minutes. Then came back with nothing but your boxers and a life jacket on to tell us we were all screwed when the flood came and you would be the only survivor.
Sober me admires drunk me's enthusiasm, but there is no way I'm going to make it out there today.
Lol drunk you is so full ideas and happy. Sober you is full of grumpy reality.
We dated for a month and a half. he didn't like blow jobs. I honestly don't think he was human.
I am so horny that I an legitimately concerned for your safety when I see you tonight.
And don't worry, I have a great track record of rallying after a casual midday blackout.
I really love you. Like, more than tequila...& we both know that's my favorite.
Found your bra in my backseat. And yes it took me that long to finally clean it out from last weekend
Didn't even know it was missing, if that makes you feel any better
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