her teeth looked like a whores toenails, i was too horrified to
There is a mermaid on oprah and she looks nothin like ariel
he told me he saved a turtle in the middle of the road.. i told him id be over in ten minutes...i mean he deserves a bj after that.
Dude. She told me she felt bad for not giving me more blojobs. HOW COULD THAT HAVE GONE BETTER?
I think I may have appendicitis, but the house is like two blocks from the hospital so I'm just gonna go and drink anyway.
2011 senior yearbook drinking game. we're taking a shot whenever some dumbass uses that quote about how life isn't isn't about the breaths you take, but the moments that take your breath away. also that retarded wayne gretzky one about missing shots you don't take.
Half my face is frozen, my vagina is broken, I'm wearing only gym shorts eating a plate of mashed potatoes, avatar is on my tv. There's a naked guy on my couch whose name idk. I needa talk to you asap
She judged ME for picking my nose when SHE has the clap.
My legs have surpassed "hairy" and entered the territory of "furry". Maybe I should just suck it up and shave already
No now I'm curious!
Was that you I seen riding on the top of a cab? Way to start the new year
Just had ice cream and a blow job come together in one glorious, defining moment.
I have a cat for love and a booty call for sex. What else could I need?
I'm a terrible person when I drink. I went from fine to not making any sense and yelling about cheese in like 30 seconds.
When he pulled out it sounded like a balloon deflating
I'm so hungry and so lazy that I'm seriously considering ripping into that packet of cream cheese in my nightstand.
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