he spit gasoline on a tiki torch to impress a girl. he caught on fire but did get laid. success.
I'm so hungover, I actually considered rolling down the stairs to avoid walking.
Every now and then I'll talk to a creeper for an extended amount of time. Randy, for instance, funded our entire night of horrible decisions.
WAIT U DIDN'T FEED THE SQUIRREL?
i will replace your cream cheese. there's enough for breakfast. you are my friend. i had guests we wanted bagels so bad im sorry. i left you notes. i love you. you have enough for a bagel or two and i will get you more. you are so pretty.
Thanks for talking me down from peeing on his window last night.
I am now curious as to how you would have aimed.
MEET ME OUTSIDE YOUR HOUSE IN THREE MINUTES. BE DRUNK. THIS IS NOT A DRILL.
Almost screamed "GO FISH MOTHER FUCKER" at the girl I nanny today. Drunken card games shouldn't bleed into my sober life.
You need a twittervention. You're better than this.
Can we just discuss how hundreds of miles away we were both beyond drunk and in some boys bed. That is the definition of friendship.
When Pony by ginuwine plays I pretty much just grind on the nearest penis.
I just bought the spice girls album. We will be doing music videos in the near future. You are our baby spice-- don't fight it
I just saw someone dressed as a bear leave your house on a motorcycle. I guess you guys are having a good time.
He had Homeward Bound on VHS how was I supposed to not fuck him
Can't. Way too high. Forgot how to operate doors. Stuck outside.Come get me.
Randomize
