THAT'LL be a good time.
and i don't know why my phone always capitalizes that word.
I just won Halloween Walk of Shame Bingo!
The night ended with a lot of tears and everyone singing along to Willenium
The doctor put me on 3000 mg of amoxicillin a day. Which, for a sinus infection, seems pretty excessive to me.
Maybe he was just trying to knock out any potential ghonorrhea you might be carrying around.
Ah, my reputation precedes me.
all her text said was "asdfhdaufhudshfuds" and i knew that meant come over
My mother's day gift to my mother is to promise never to tell her 95% of the stories I've accumulated in my life.
On the bright side, nobody died. Please bring me back my left shoe. I have work in an hour.
Can I have my ID back now or are you using it to crossdress again?
Just so we're clear. I'm still making jello shots and bringing them to the bar in my purse. I don't care if its half off margaritas. Don't want anyone thirsty
It sounds like I am drunk, but I am not. I just have a concussion.
Last night, I listened to Aladdin on my ipod while I stole bread and cheese from Wal-Mart. I feel like you're the only one who'd be proud of me.
I finally figured out how to tighten my bra straps and I feel like a god
Like I could say no to two hot people already naked and fucking. Please. I'm not made of stone.
Twice?!
im shaving my vagina and listening to frank sinatra, im coming over after
He bought me pizza and bourbon and played scrabble with me. So naturally I slept with him.
Randomize
