Sex on a kitchen table is not as amazing as they make is seem in the movies.
He just made his dick say "woof" and howl at me. can you pick me up?
i've decided to use this saturday afternoon to take care of my pube situation
I think "banned from Amtrak due to excessive projectile vomiting" would sum up the evening quite nicely.
just heard a glass bottle fall in lecture and my first thought was to yell party foul.....is it friday yet?
She asked the taxi driver to stop at the Texaco because she had to puke. She did then stumbled into the gas station and bought a 40.
Then mom squeezed my boob and said, "Dad would go nuts if I had these..."
my taxi driver is listening to 50 shades of grey audiobook. this is uncomfortable.
Champagne pong turned into an expensive and painful experience.
You were cuddling with an eight iron and I was eating a fajita completely ignoring your presence.
haha it's ok, I asked people. I was like "I'm high and lost" and the dude just said "That's my life. Love it."
A special kind of bond is formed between two people when they act as a pee shield for one another for drunken pisses in an alleyway
I'm gonna take a crap in the portashitter like a civilized human being.
i regret nothing
brb throwing up in the dishwasher
i regret everything
if you go to jail tonight, call call me. i wanna get out of work
Randomize
