Charged a drink to your name last night. Thanks for the whiskey
My dick has been asking about u. He said he didn't do anything wrong n I'm a dumbass
just next time i won't let coke make me think I'm superman and drink a shit ton.
I shall celebrate this moment with a beer conveniently located in the sock drawer directly to the right of me.
once my pubes got caught on her snaggletooth it was all downhill from there
At first I was confused when I woke up with shards of glass and pickle brine in my pants. But then I remembered I hung out with you last night.
She liked every single Facebook status in her newsfeed and then made her status 'I LIKE U GUYS'
i figure i've seen his cum stains on the floor, i'm allowed to say these things.
I thought stuff was gonna go really bad after he filled the super-soaker with kerosene. but it all turned out pretty well.
She made a roadhead CD. Can I marry her?
my mom just said "if you had sex with someone you don't really like I'm going to be so mad at you" HOW DOES EVERYBODY KNOW
Do drug dealers work on Memorial Day?
I'm pretty sure NORMAL roommates don't have to hide each others sex toys from their fuck buddies.
Everytime after he came, he'd laugh uncontrolably for ten mintutes. He was sober..
In honor of Randy Savage we're wearing spandex and handing out slim jim's with option to suplex. Get behind it
Randomize
