I think I just was a dick to Paul Rudd.
Googled "can you put dry ice in your drink?" I'm safee
my grandma just told me that size does matter, and don't let anyone tell you anything different.
i would think by now you'd realize that my penis does whatever the fuck it wants and i have no control over the situation
Retelling stories from our semester makes me realize we need to get tested for herpes.
she got to the point every few minutes she checked to see if her boobs were still there.
Pretty sure I was rubbing Halloween candy all over my face and saying "these are my bitches."
I can't tell whether I'm a) still hungover from two nights ago, b) legitimately sick or c) all of the above... multiple choice was never my forte
Apparently throwing balloons filled with vodka off the roof is considered terrorism.
The best, and by the best I mean the worst, was the 7 month along pregnant chick in the skin tight body suit.
Am I really that girl who walks around half naked wearing a cowboy hat begging for liquor at some random guys house
I'd like to request an "its my birthday discount", and for you to bartend shirtless tonight ;)
She pulled up to the bar in a limo, wasted, and alone. Gets out, shrugs and slurs "I couldn't find a cab" and proceeds to take a shot.
I'm in love.
When in doubt, it's too much cheese
Right. He was like "I'll be here all night if I have to..." I was like "Well then, I'll have to call the cops..."
Randomize
