Singing into hair straightener during spice girls....sooo dangerous
the dr. explained that the first big patch is called a herald patch since it's biggest. So his name is Harold the Patch.
Wow. You named your rash.
Iranian Rapper, camaroonian basketball player, mexican i forget and indian doctor....this one looks the best on paper.
You actually went to class. Im eating dry cereal naked and watching bring it on.
It says a lot about how well I know you when I can understand messages of yours that say things like "sauteed Jesus."
Woke up with eyeliner streaked down my face, glitter all over my bed, and holding half-eaten Jimmy Johns. Plus, my whole family's downstairs for Thanksgiving... Welcome to the shitshow that is my early 20s
He was running late for work this morning, so I helped him out by finding a matching pair of black socks. And I hated it. So I'm currently drinking and reminding myself of the reasons I will never get married.
I hate you so much right now. You got us kicked out of my favorite bar because your drunk ass was hogging the Bluetooth jukebox and would play NOTHING but that goddamn skeleton song. IT'S NOT EVEN OCTOBER YET.
Spopky scrzy skeletonssz
this is a preemptive text before you call me freaking out: i have your keys and your car is parked safely a block down from your apartment.
you are a goddess
I need you there. I need someone to glance at when other people inevitably annoy me.
Fell asleep on kitchen floor again, chicken nuggets everywhere.
I gave up great shower sex to be here so don't say I never did anything for our friendship.
I'm a fuck boy trapped in a single mom's body.
Come over.
Look lady I can't have sex with you EVERY day. I have things to do.
i am also 80% sure that my shirt glows in the dark.
Randomize
