Dogs love guiness but it fucks up their kidneys
I guess she didn't feel like it. There was hair all over it and everything
So, during a 20 minute shower I spent 19 minutes spinning in circles and 1 minute licking the wall, and it was better than sex. I can't wait to do X again.
i cant text you anymore tonight, God gave me two hands for two cups
i was able to set 4 alarms to make sure i woke up in time for class but i couldnt take the open beer out of my pocket before i did cartwheels down the hall...
Watching crazy stupid love and drinking alone isn't what I thought it was gonna be
Its TONS better. Expect a drunk dial at 11:54
Well it was tamer than the 4th of july when I blew that guy I met walking home from the fireworks
I'm so hungover it hurts to blink.. oh sweet merciful Christ what have I done
I'm imagining a seal in an ugly shirt hahahahaha Percocet
As a gentleman, I asked her if she was sure and she just whispered "wreck me" in my ear. I took that as a green light.
Fucked a kid by the name of your hometown tonight... FOR THE WIN.. BF4L
So after my hot dog popped out of the bun and fell to the ground I tried to pick it back up and eat it. He had to kick it away from me to stop me from trying to pick it back up and eat it. I like him.
Everytime I try to keep track of the amount of people I slept with I always forget about that guy I met on the dc metro, where I woke up to him organizing his Special K and Molly and I was covered in sleeping cats.
She has that type of face she reminds me of that weird girl from napoleon dynamite only taller and with hoop earrings.
I want to get drunk and watch somebody else's tragedy.
Randomize
