I just puked in an auto zone parking lot. I'm never eating peanut butter and red wine for dinner again.
She got stuck in the front door. She never told me how or why.
Scratch that. Good bye liver, good bye clothes, good bye dignity. Hello awesome weekend
and if my full six pack comes in by Halloween there is no stopping the man slut costume. I have no shame
does the girl puking in my garbage belong to you?
Was in the middle of a keg stand, the frat guys dropped me, and I broke my nose. My mom didn't enjoy that call from the hospital.
first time i ever mailed panties back to a fuck buddy. what better of a way to say its over
Is there a classy way to tell him that to thank him for his service I would like to put his dick in my mouth?
"Happy Veterans Day! Now pull down your pants."
We were like ok let's be eachothers maid of honor and then you were like "ok see you at the wedding" and walked away
Had weird bad dreams about you last night. Please tell me you didn't google my real surname and that you don't go to a needle exchange.
I would say don't do anything I wouldn't do, but we both know I forget about my personal safely when getting laid is on the line
well, unfortunately the rug burn lasted longer than the actual relationship
I JUST WANT TO HAVE AWKWARD SEXUAL EXPERIENCES WITH HIM.
You were up on table in a neon bra chanting "YOUR MOM" while drizzling vodka on your chest...
no wonder i woke up with my boobs stuck to my bra
I'm legitimately the first person in the United States to successfully shave their balls with a Razer Blade of a sword and fully admitt it. I'm honestly smoother then a 10 year old.
Randomize
